A Kurt Out of Water
by fbeauchamphartz
Summary: Kurt and Sebastian are two merpeople cursed to a life on land...and it's all Sebastian's fault. Sebastian's fine with it. In fact, he's ecstatic. But Kurt's not...and he wants to kill Sebastian because of it. Kurtbastian. Kurt H. Sebastian S.
**A/N:** **Inspired by the prompt: "Mermaid AU. The I haven't yet mastered walking on land but you have and you keep rubbing it in my face AU."**

"Kurt! Watch this," Sebastian boasts, curling his arms into a circle in front of him and turning a perfect pirouette. "Only an hour on land and I think I have completely conquered balance. And dancing…" Sebastian sticks his nose in the air and pirouettes one more time as his companion, seaweed clinging to his hair and face, and exhausted from battling the current, crawls up the beach from the surf. Barely able to make it to his knees, Kurt slinks like a serpent, his damp skin picking up layers of dry sand until the tide comes and knocks him to his stomach. "I think, at this rate, I shall be a proficient," Sebastian blabbers on, completely unconcerned with his friend's plight. "A prodigy, even. I mean…just _look_ at me." Sebastian turns another series of graceful spins that, aside from being close to perfection, also manage to toss sand into Kurt's burning eyes. How do humans manage in this manner? Kurt wonders. The truth hits him with the next wave and makes his heart sick. They _don't,_ is the answer. Humans don't spend time in the ocean outside of boats…not often, anyway. So their eyes do not develop the same protection from the gritty sand that the merpeople do.

Which means, Kurt would be restricted to a life on land after this dreadful curse.

Kurt feels the weight of that hit him like the next powerful wave, and he groans in despair. Once the water clears from his ears, he hears Sebastian humming happily as he dances his way up the beach.

 _Screw Sebastian_! Screw him and his need to meddle where he doesn't belong! Screw his smart mouth that got not just him, but Kurt banished from the ocean for the foreseeable future! Because, as a human, there would be no way for Kurt to contact his father, the King of the Sea, for aid. As a human, there would be no way to travel through the abyss to the cave of the Great Sea Witch and beg for her mercy…not that she's prone to give it, but at least he could give it a shot.

But not with these weak human lungs that would never withstand the pressure of the deep water.

And not with these flimsy human legs, that can't even hold him up.

Kurt should have left him, should have turned and swam away the second he opened his insulting, condescending mouth.

But Sebastian, who was hand-chosen by Kurt's father to be his second, has been Kurt's friend since birth – no matter how stupidly annoying he can be, no matter how blithering and idiotic.

Kurt would question those life choices later, after he found a way to his feet.

"And look at them," Sebastian continues blathering. "Look at what a wonder my legs are! Look at how strong! I can run…" Sebastian takes off up the incline, kicking more sand over Kurt, who ducks quickly to avoid the spatter just to get a gallon of water shooting up his nose with the next wave. "I can jump…" Sebastian leaps into the air, landing nimbly on his toes. "I can probably still swim," he says with a gasp of realization, which earns him a blistering stare from Kurt. "I'll be the master of land and sea." Sebastian chuckles. "There's absolutely _nothing_ I won't be able to do!"

"Can you shut up?" Kurt scowls, clawing his way up the hill, digging frantically with his fingers to avoid the oncoming wave. "Do you think you can accomplish that, you obnoxious twit?"

Sebastian looks at Kurt, only recently noticing that his friend doesn't seem to be faring as well as he, and smirks. "You're just sore because I am a natural up here, and you can't even stand."

"No," Kurt grumbles, latching on to a jutting boulder and attempting to pull himself upright, "I'm sore because I've been exiled to his awful place _because of you_ , cursed to live among humans _because of you_ , I'll never be able to go home and see my father or my stepbrother again _because of you_ , and, to top it off, the only person I know up here is _you_!"

Sebastian's face softens, his jaw going slack. "Gosh," he says on a sigh, to Kurt's relief, since he assumes he's finally gotten through to him.

As usual, with regard to Sebastian, Kurt assumed wrong.

"You're such a bundle of negativity. Can't you see all the good things you've got going for you now that you're not stuck under the water, where nothing exciting ever happens, waiting for a near eternity to dissolve and become foam on the water?"

"What?" Kurt snaps. "What _amazing_ thing do I have to look forward to now that I'm trapped up here?"

Sebastian smiles, a wickedly smug grin that would have been filled with razor-pointed teeth if they were still merpeople, but is comprised of squared-off teeth since they are human.

"You get to spend your time on land…with _me_."

Kurt's grimace becomes a glower of pure hatred, but Sebastian laughs him off. The next time Sebastian turns to perform another flawless pirouette, Kurt grabs his ankle and sends him plummeting to the hot sand.


End file.
